Two Mommies... and a Wife?

Ever since Hollis came home, life changed. Duh, right? Let me 'splain.
I've had 5+ years with Evy. I know her pretty darn well. She does a lot on her own. She has a routine and a predictable schedule. I even know her grumpy time (which, sadly, corresponds to my own). Then Reed comes home and dinner, bath, bedtime, our time. Got it. Days off I clean, run errands, sew.
Enter daughter #2, tiny baby. She is one gigantic bucket o' needs. Again, she has a fairly predictable schedule (every three hours, anyway). That's fine, because I've been there and can do that.
But here's the rub: I'm still trying to be the other mommy, too. I'm trying to be mommy pre-Hollis and a baby mommy, too. I'm trying to do them both fully. Does that make sense? Being Evy's mom was full time. Being Hollis' mom is full time, too. That math doesn't add up. One person can't be two. Especially when you're me and you feel the push to be both mommies perfectly and completely. I want to devote entire afternoons playing and engaging MaryEvyn. I also want to spend those same afternoons nurturing Hollis, lovingly helping her sleep and eat and be at peace. I also very much want to spend those same afternoons cleaning the floors, the dishes, the clothes. As much as I thought these would seamlessly merge, they absolutely don't.
So, with this recent realization that this is why I'm feeling so frustrated lately, I've come to a point where I realize something has to give. Something has to change. And, as usual, God has been telling me that it's me. I need to change. Scratch that...He needs to change me. And I need to let Him. I need to need Him.
Okay.
God and I had begun some work on that. Yes, let's work on that for a while. And I thought that was it.
Then I read this the other day from her. "First and foremost, I am -'s wife." This from the journal of a mom who wrote that in her twenties living in a one bedroom apartment with 3 babies (and now has seven - not in the apt. anymore!). This struck me.
Reed!
Sure, he was in the picture, too. But, friends, I must shamefully admit to you that I have selfishly seen him more as my mommy helper/assistant than my husband. And even less so his helpmate. I've been getting so aggravated when he could clearly see that there were dishes that needed washing, clothes that needed folding, carrots to chop for dinner, a baby to feed or rock or soothe, a cat box to clean, a daughter that's bored.... And Heaven help the man if he needed to come home late! O, the wrath!
I know there's a measure of grace here for a momma adjusting to a new life, but that is not an excuse (is there an excuse for sin?). So I'm not beating myself up here, just sharing (especially for you newly, or soon to be moms of 2 or more) how I've fallen into a lie. Several lies as it turns out:
My life is much more difficult than yours, therefore, I need all the help here.
My problems are more important than yours.
I'm doing all of this for you, the least you can do is help. (Yikes!)
If you loved me, you'd see how hard I'm working and you'd do more for me.
Oh, how thankful I am for the gospel. For Jesus, my Savior, my Redeemer. I need to remember that Jesus died because I think I'm so great. He died because I think I deserve praise. He died because I think life is all about me. He who is Great, deserving of eternal praise and who life is all about, took on the very nature of a servant and became obedient to death - even death on a cross.
First and foremost, I am His.
Then I am Reed's.
Then I am my girls' mommy.
And then all the rest of you! :-)
So, I'm still working all this out. I don't yet know quite what it means for my everyday life except it's really just a heart shift. And that's work that only God can do. So it's His, too. Humph. Life never seems as complicated after being with Him as it does when it all stays in my head, does it.
Okay. I'm done. Thanks.