Dear Baby,
Oh, how much I love you. And I don’t mean the idea of you. I mean I love you. I love your littleness. I love your helplessness. I love that God made you just exactly the way you are and that He already has a plan for you. I praise God that that plan includes me and Reed and MaryEvyn. It includes Mamaw and Pawpaw and Gram and Grampa. It includes cousins and aunts and uncles that love you, too.
It includes happy times and sad times, for every life must have both in our fallen world. I’m so very sad that yours begins with sadness and a wound. I will do my best to be filled with God and His Spirit in order to teach you, love you and show you how to help heal that wound and trust not only your perfect Father, but other people as well. But what Satan means for evil, God will redeem as so very good. He will show you how He has provided not just an earthly family for you, but a heavenly one as well. That you are showered in a cloud of witnesses saying, “Here is the way! Walk in it!”
You are an amazing little one and I can’t wait to hold you. To rock you. To shush you to sleep in my arms. To take a myriad of pictures of you with all the ones who love you. To adore you as you fall asleep in Dada’s arms. To read you books and brag about how smart and beautiful you are.
I don’t know what you’ll look like or who your birthmom will be, but God does and He’s making a way to bring us together. He will weave our hearts and lives together and make a breathtaking life for you that will display His glory for all those who see it.
Oh, how much I love you already!
Love,
Mommy
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Great, Easy Cookies!
BH&G has been giving me some great recipes lately! I made these cookies today to take to a splashy party and they were quite the hit. So, if you like peanut butter and chocolate as much as my hubby does, you definitely need to give these a try!
Flourless Peanut Butter-Chocolate Cookies
1 cup creamy peanut butter
3/4 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 cup semisweet chocolate morsels
parchment paper
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stir together first 5 ingredients in medium bowl until well blended. Stir in chocolate morsels.
2. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.
3. Bake at 350 for 12 to 14 minutes or until puffed and lightly browned. Cool on baking sheets on a wire rack for 5 minutes before removing to cool completely.
Notes:
* This recipe will yield about 2 dozen cookies.
* I used milk chocolate morsels and they were great!
* Not sure the parchment paper is necessary but it sure made cleanup easy! Actually, it may be necessary since there's no actual butter in the recipe...?
* Do be sure to keep them on the cookie sheet for the 5 minutes after baking, otherwise they kinda fall apart on your spatula. But after that, they came off perfectly!
Flourless Peanut Butter-Chocolate Cookies
1 cup creamy peanut butter
3/4 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 cup semisweet chocolate morsels
parchment paper
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stir together first 5 ingredients in medium bowl until well blended. Stir in chocolate morsels.
2. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto parchment paper lined baking sheets.
3. Bake at 350 for 12 to 14 minutes or until puffed and lightly browned. Cool on baking sheets on a wire rack for 5 minutes before removing to cool completely.
Notes:
* This recipe will yield about 2 dozen cookies.
* I used milk chocolate morsels and they were great!
* Not sure the parchment paper is necessary but it sure made cleanup easy! Actually, it may be necessary since there's no actual butter in the recipe...?
* Do be sure to keep them on the cookie sheet for the 5 minutes after baking, otherwise they kinda fall apart on your spatula. But after that, they came off perfectly!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Behavior Modification vs. Heart Change
I recently had a conversation with a mommy mentor and a dear friend about how we discipline and guide our children towards obedience and respect. A major theme of our discussion involved how we wanted to not just teach our children the moral, right thing to do because that would really only get us, and them, so far before that would be easily questioned and resisted. I mean, why do I want Evy to obey me? For my ease and comfort? So that she is a "sweet girl"? So others will think she's pleasant? To please others? To be an honorable, upstanding woman? Well, I guess those things maybe aren't all bad, but it seems to fall a little short of what God expects which is what I ultimately want her to understand. I want to not just change and manage her behavior, I want to reach and guide her heart into seeking and seeing the heart of our righteous and loving God. So we were discussing how easy it is to slip back into the managing side of things where I'm willing to do just about anything to just make the undesired behavior stop! Now while we agreed that there is definitely a place for behavior charts and even rewards especially at their young age where they need the concrete reinforcement, there is a time for going deeper. Helping her to see that there is more to her disobedience and "bad" attitude. She is a sinner and that sin in her heart which she can't control, causes her to sin and to reject God as her authority. No, I don't quite use those words, but I'm guiding her slowly but surely to that truth. She is learning that she can't make herself stop, she won't ever stop sinning. She needs a Savior and she needs to be with him regularly and depend on Him to change her heart in order to change her behavior.
But, honestly, this isn't a post about child discipline strategy, though that's what our discussion was about. But even as we were discussing our children in this way, my dear friend and I both quickly realized that we could just as easily have been discussing ourselves.
How easily do I just want to manage my own behavior and just will myself to be a "good, Christian". But isn't that only on the outside? And do I not really just stifle it only to have it come out in another way?
I need a Savior, too. I need to realize (again and again) my dependence on the Holy Spirit to point out and bring to light the sin (and the sin behind the sin) in my heart first and then I'll see behavior change (hello, fruits of the spirit). I won't ever stop sinning, but because of this I love Jesus more and know my need for Him. I know what He's done for me in saving me from a life trapped in sin.
So just like I take the time (mostly) with my daughter after the time-out and after the apology to talk with her about why she did or said what she did or said so that she can see her heart's condition, I also need to take the time to let my sin sink in. To realize the relationship with God that I jeopardized by my selfish attitude. Take the time to let the Holy Spirit show me the attitude or the lie or the idol that is in my heart in order to affect true change.
So, um, there's my light and breezy blog reading for you today! See why I don't blog so often lately...this-this is what's on my brain lately. Heavy stuff. Maybe I'll have some easy, breezy stuff soon... ;-)
But, honestly, this isn't a post about child discipline strategy, though that's what our discussion was about. But even as we were discussing our children in this way, my dear friend and I both quickly realized that we could just as easily have been discussing ourselves.
How easily do I just want to manage my own behavior and just will myself to be a "good, Christian". But isn't that only on the outside? And do I not really just stifle it only to have it come out in another way?
I need a Savior, too. I need to realize (again and again) my dependence on the Holy Spirit to point out and bring to light the sin (and the sin behind the sin) in my heart first and then I'll see behavior change (hello, fruits of the spirit). I won't ever stop sinning, but because of this I love Jesus more and know my need for Him. I know what He's done for me in saving me from a life trapped in sin.
So just like I take the time (mostly) with my daughter after the time-out and after the apology to talk with her about why she did or said what she did or said so that she can see her heart's condition, I also need to take the time to let my sin sink in. To realize the relationship with God that I jeopardized by my selfish attitude. Take the time to let the Holy Spirit show me the attitude or the lie or the idol that is in my heart in order to affect true change.
So, um, there's my light and breezy blog reading for you today! See why I don't blog so often lately...this-this is what's on my brain lately. Heavy stuff. Maybe I'll have some easy, breezy stuff soon... ;-)
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
When God Changes a Dream
Have you ever mourned the loss of a dream? As you stared at the reality of what God was bringing (or not bringing) into your life, have you had to face and accept the truth that the thing you thought you really wanted or needed just wasn't going to be granted? Do you know the feeling?
As I've walked this strange, surreal road of second child infertility, God's done some unexpected, often painful work on my heart. Lately it's been harder, but better. Huh? ok...
Reed and I have taken some steps toward adoption. God has continued to open our hearts and minds to the idea of adoption. The more I've learned about it, the more I regret that I hadn't pursued it before now. But I'll get to that later.
See, my controlling, selfish little heart wanted a soft, perfect, healthy, expected birth of a baby who looked just like his mommy and daddy. One that we would nurture perfectly in it's infancy, keep anything harmful or potentially dangerous away. One that would be ours. One that would not draw any undesired attention to himself (or us). Then we had dinner with some friends who adopted and what they told us scared the pants off of us. We went to bed that night a little shell-shocked. But that's because they're real friends and they were really open which is just what we needed. That's when the dream smashing began.
So I had already given up the "looking like mommy and daddy" part of the dream when the reality of infertility really set in and I began to even allow myself to think of adoption. But that night I realized that the "being ours" part was going to have to be given up as well. Our friends told us that adoptions now were all "open" or at least "semi-open" which means that you know the birthmom and she is a part of the process. They described to us how particularly as Christians, they were faithfully pursuing the birthmom in order to help minister to her and show her Jesus as well as keep that connection there for their child. Whoa. I have to share my baby? Can I even call him/her my baby? But then, God started asking if I thought Evy was MY baby? No, she's not. She belongs to God and He allows me to teach her about Him, raise her and love her, but ultimately I'll answer to Him about how I did with His kiddo. And how is that different from sharing a baby I decide to bless you with through adoption? sigh.
To gain even more insight, Reed and I attended an adoption conference with a ministry called Abba's Heart. It was so good! There were three breakout sessions we attended. The first was just sort of a roadmap of adoption which we kinda already knew from our friends. The second was about trans-racial adoption. Man, that couple was amazing! I'll have to write a whole other post about that... The third one was led by a staff person with the agency we've decided to use. Her name is Cindy Seay with New Life. She was fantastic! She talked very openly and personally about relating to the birthparents. Reed and I both had tears in our eyes. Now that "not drawing any undesired attention" part is being challenged. The more God speaks to me about this next baby of ours, the more I seem to be unable to answer this question: "How can I say no to any child that needs a family?" Because of it's race? Because of it's health? Because of it's ethnicity? sigh. God values the little ones that He so carefully knits together in the womb. And whichever child He chooses for us, how could I say no?
But here's the real point of it all so far for me. The point of all of this that I'm telling you. It's that I'm not just giving up a dream. It's not disappearing into thin air leaving me broken and bitter. It's getting bigger. My heart and my compassion and my view of a Christian's purpose for life are growing dramatically! Even more so my faith. Because, as each Christian adoptive parent has told us thus far, I'm not just "giving up" each piece of this fleshly dream of mine. Though not without pain and tears, I'm giving it to God and trusting Him to take me farther and deeper and wider than I thought my heart could go. Trusting Him to be enough to fulfill every dream. So with each step I am seeing my way to trust Him, to give my all for Him, to tell others what He can do, to allow Him to change me to be more like Him.
And I know that if He can do that for this dream of mine, God can take any of our dreams and do the same. Watch, submit, and see.
As I've walked this strange, surreal road of second child infertility, God's done some unexpected, often painful work on my heart. Lately it's been harder, but better. Huh? ok...
Reed and I have taken some steps toward adoption. God has continued to open our hearts and minds to the idea of adoption. The more I've learned about it, the more I regret that I hadn't pursued it before now. But I'll get to that later.
See, my controlling, selfish little heart wanted a soft, perfect, healthy, expected birth of a baby who looked just like his mommy and daddy. One that we would nurture perfectly in it's infancy, keep anything harmful or potentially dangerous away. One that would be ours. One that would not draw any undesired attention to himself (or us). Then we had dinner with some friends who adopted and what they told us scared the pants off of us. We went to bed that night a little shell-shocked. But that's because they're real friends and they were really open which is just what we needed. That's when the dream smashing began.
So I had already given up the "looking like mommy and daddy" part of the dream when the reality of infertility really set in and I began to even allow myself to think of adoption. But that night I realized that the "being ours" part was going to have to be given up as well. Our friends told us that adoptions now were all "open" or at least "semi-open" which means that you know the birthmom and she is a part of the process. They described to us how particularly as Christians, they were faithfully pursuing the birthmom in order to help minister to her and show her Jesus as well as keep that connection there for their child. Whoa. I have to share my baby? Can I even call him/her my baby? But then, God started asking if I thought Evy was MY baby? No, she's not. She belongs to God and He allows me to teach her about Him, raise her and love her, but ultimately I'll answer to Him about how I did with His kiddo. And how is that different from sharing a baby I decide to bless you with through adoption? sigh.
To gain even more insight, Reed and I attended an adoption conference with a ministry called Abba's Heart. It was so good! There were three breakout sessions we attended. The first was just sort of a roadmap of adoption which we kinda already knew from our friends. The second was about trans-racial adoption. Man, that couple was amazing! I'll have to write a whole other post about that... The third one was led by a staff person with the agency we've decided to use. Her name is Cindy Seay with New Life. She was fantastic! She talked very openly and personally about relating to the birthparents. Reed and I both had tears in our eyes. Now that "not drawing any undesired attention" part is being challenged. The more God speaks to me about this next baby of ours, the more I seem to be unable to answer this question: "How can I say no to any child that needs a family?" Because of it's race? Because of it's health? Because of it's ethnicity? sigh. God values the little ones that He so carefully knits together in the womb. And whichever child He chooses for us, how could I say no?
But here's the real point of it all so far for me. The point of all of this that I'm telling you. It's that I'm not just giving up a dream. It's not disappearing into thin air leaving me broken and bitter. It's getting bigger. My heart and my compassion and my view of a Christian's purpose for life are growing dramatically! Even more so my faith. Because, as each Christian adoptive parent has told us thus far, I'm not just "giving up" each piece of this fleshly dream of mine. Though not without pain and tears, I'm giving it to God and trusting Him to take me farther and deeper and wider than I thought my heart could go. Trusting Him to be enough to fulfill every dream. So with each step I am seeing my way to trust Him, to give my all for Him, to tell others what He can do, to allow Him to change me to be more like Him.
And I know that if He can do that for this dream of mine, God can take any of our dreams and do the same. Watch, submit, and see.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Our Newest Addition
Skippyjon Jones, formerly Jilly Boo Puff.
We picked her up on Saturday from the Garcia's who were tipped off by Julie that the Cutshalls might just be interested. This is when Evy first saw her.
Taking her home (in Reed's new car)! She purred the whole time and the closer you held her, the happier she was.
Little ball of fur!
Not so much fur after a good bath!Well, we took her to the vet this morning and Dr. Good-Ol'-Ag promptly informed us that she is a HE.
Oh, I see.
"But, Mommy, I want it to be a girl!"
"Well, Sweetie..."
So, she's finally come around that kitty is a boy and maybe Jilly Boo isn't the best name for HIM. So, now it's Skippy as in Skippyjon Jones (the children's books).
I guess we'll get around to changing her - oops, his - tag later...
Stop laughing, Julie!
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