Behavior Modification vs. Heart Change

I recently had a conversation with a mommy mentor and a dear friend about how we discipline and guide our children towards obedience and respect. A major theme of our discussion involved how we wanted to not just teach our children the moral, right thing to do because that would really only get us, and them, so far before that would be easily questioned and resisted. I mean, why do I want Evy to obey me? For my ease and comfort? So that she is a "sweet girl"? So others will think she's pleasant? To please others? To be an honorable, upstanding woman? Well, I guess those things maybe aren't all bad, but it seems to fall a little short of what God expects which is what I ultimately want her to understand. I want to not just change and manage her behavior, I want to reach and guide her heart into seeking and seeing the heart of our righteous and loving God. So we were discussing how easy it is to slip back into the managing side of things where I'm willing to do just about anything to just make the undesired behavior stop! Now while we agreed that there is definitely a place for behavior charts and even rewards especially at their young age where they need the concrete reinforcement, there is a time for going deeper. Helping her to see that there is more to her disobedience and "bad" attitude. She is a sinner and that sin in her heart which she can't control, causes her to sin and to reject God as her authority. No, I don't quite use those words, but I'm guiding her slowly but surely to that truth. She is learning that she can't make herself stop, she won't ever stop sinning. She needs a Savior and she needs to be with him regularly and depend on Him to change her heart in order to change her behavior.
But, honestly, this isn't a post about child discipline strategy, though that's what our discussion was about. But even as we were discussing our children in this way, my dear friend and I both quickly realized that we could just as easily have been discussing ourselves.
How easily do I just want to manage my own behavior and just will myself to be a "good, Christian". But isn't that only on the outside? And do I not really just stifle it only to have it come out in another way?
I need a Savior, too. I need to realize (again and again) my dependence on the Holy Spirit to point out and bring to light the sin (and the sin behind the sin) in my heart first and then I'll see behavior change (hello, fruits of the spirit). I won't ever stop sinning, but because of this I love Jesus more and know my need for Him. I know what He's done for me in saving me from a life trapped in sin.
So just like I take the time (mostly) with my daughter after the time-out and after the apology to talk with her about why she did or said what she did or said so that she can see her heart's condition, I also need to take the time to let my sin sink in. To realize the relationship with God that I jeopardized by my selfish attitude. Take the time to let the Holy Spirit show me the attitude or the lie or the idol that is in my heart in order to affect true change.
So, um, there's my light and breezy blog reading for you today! See why I don't blog so often lately...this-this is what's on my brain lately. Heavy stuff. Maybe I'll have some easy, breezy stuff soon... ;-)